April Fools

by / on March 31, 2015 at 4:00 pm / in April Fools, Comics, Multimedia

Jan and Jerry

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 3:56 pm / in April Fools, Opinions

Smoke free but not toke free

As the drug capital of Southern California, Riverside is home to the most vibrant and lethargic stoner community south of Humboldt. But since the University of California system went tobacco-free in 2014, potheads are finding it harder and harder to […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 3:52 pm / in April Fools

Editorial: Get your hands off their booty! And Culture!

The amount of fake pirates on this campus is too damn high! It should come as no surprise to any of the readers that this would be the topic we would feel we need to cover this week in our […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 3:47 pm / in April Fools, Opinions, R'Perspectives

R’Perspective: A Swim to the C

Early one Saturday morning, I woke up and prepared for one of the most iconic activities available to a UCR student: a swim to the C. Every UCR student knows this swim is as mandatory as passing your finals in […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools, News

UCR professor receives $5 million to hunt Moby Dick

UCR Professor of Cetology Captain Ahab has been awarded a $5 million grant by the Institute of Cetacean Research (ICR) based in Japan. The grant will be used to support the professor’s five-year voyage to hunt the legendary sperm whale […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools, Crime Watch, News

Students held at gunpoint, booty nearly stolen

Three students were held at gunpoint by two pirates at the mouth of the Colorado River at 11:30 p.m. on March 26. Out for a refreshing moonlit swim to the C, the students had nowhere to hide their booty and […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools, ASUCR Senate, News

ASUCR hands out free life vests

ASUCR voted last Wednesday to allocate more than $50,000 for free life vests for the student body to prevent drowning while navigating UCR’s waterlogged campus. UCR has seen 134 drownings in the past year, according to UCR Director of Media […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools

UC president sticks with tuition hike, threatens to release Kraken

UC President Janet Napolitano announced she will stick by her plan to increase student tuition, and has threatened to release the Kraken to enforce her new policy. “This school system needs to know two essential facts: that this tuition hike […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools, News

Local billionaire announces plans to drain UCR, create libertarian utopia

Last Friday, billionaire and UCR alumnus Andrew Ryan announced plans to drain the campus and create a libertarian utopia, where state funding would be culled and UCR could exist as a “free market bubble where capitalism is king.” Delivering his […]

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by / on March 31, 2015 at 6:04 am / in April Fools

Hydroelectric dam to replace university parking lot

University officials recently approved the construction of a 600-foot hydroelectric dam to contain the mouth of the majestic Colorado River that snakes through parts of UC Riverside. Monikered the “Great Wall of Scotty,” the $100 million dam will be constructed […]

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