Spring Splash is just around the corner. You know what means — great music, great food, great vibes and great fun. Word around the street says ASPB is narrowing their options for what kind of arts and entertainment is going to be on display this spring, and The Highlander’s got the scoop on their options. Out of all the tea spilt, there were some things that were simply too exciting not to talk about. Here’s our list of things we are most excited to see at Spring Splash this year.

  1. Opossums

In coordination with animal activists on campus, ASPB is taking it upon themselves to let loose everyone’s favorite marsupial. Activist win! These sure are exciting times where we can put our differences together and share a space with some well-meaning, starving, mostly disease-free furry friends.

  1. Cybergoth underpass dancers

Do you remember that viral video of a group of exceptionally well-dressed men and women coming together to freely express themselves in the form of dance in an underpass? Of course you do — it’s one that is not exactly easy to lose recollection of, partly because of the collective’s distinct cybergoth outfits that screamed personality and their accompanying dance session. Well, it seems like UCR may very well be the next stage for these cybergoths to show off their impressive set of skills as ASPB is currently in talks with their leader, Krow, to get them to perform at Spring Splash. Get your fishnets ready!

  1. Jeff Goldblum impersonators

Wow! This is uh, this, this is great — really this is great news that I’m happy to share with all of you. We unfortunately couldn’t get the real Jeff Goldblum of course, but, well, since we couldn’t do that we figured, you know, get the next big thing which, of course, is a whole ensemble of men and women impersonating him. You know, it’s definitely a curious variety of entertainment but tickle me pink, long live freedom of expression. Art, uh, finds a way and congrats to ASPB for making such a bold decision!

  1. “Lo-fi anime hip-hop beats to study to” compilation

Spring Splash may not land right at the heart of midterm frenzy nor will it bookend the quarter to coincide with finals, but there is never a bad time to listen to some Lo-fi anime hip-hop beats. Insiders believe that compilations will be held at the second stage at the HUB, while also positing that tutors will be present for any and all who may potentially have things to study for. Which animes will be displayed on-screen is yet to be determined.

  1. Imagine Dragons


  1. Young Thug astral projection

Courtesy of Atlantic Records

Young Thug might be too unpredictable of an artist to book for Spring Splash, and it may be hard to enforce certain campus policies that restrict him from being in his element. Thankfully, his team has discussed with both Jeffery himself and ASPB about the possibility of having him perform via proxy — by having him appear as an astral project on stage. This would be an unprecedented event, a huge milestone in Spring Splash’s history as we have never had an artist perform via astral projection. While technically we won’t be able to see or hear him on stage, it would be sure to generate a spiritual force which we would all feel in our very own special way.

  1. The UC Riverside SoundCloud Rap Choir

The UC Riverside SoundCloud Rap Choir is a collection of UCR students with budding careers as SoundCloud rappers. As loose as the definition of “career” may be for these up-and-comers, that doesn’t stop them from putting in their all in the choir. “I’m about that cheddar bruh,” says Lil Doo Doo, a third-year philosophy major, “and right now, I’m just trying to get my name on the map so I can collect a fat check to propel my career.”

While it is tradition for campus-held concerts to be composed of artists of which students are familiar with, it wouldn’t be too much of a surprise for this next Spring Splash to host our own student musicians. “People think we’re all the same, but we’re really not, you know?” says Yung Dookie, a fourth-year psychology major, “I think each of us has something unique to contribute to the choir. For example, I don’t just rap. I sing too.”