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On October 8, 2023, a wave of despair passed over the state of California as Governor Gavin Newsom vetoed bill AB 1207, also known as, The Cannabis Candy Child Safety Act. Prop 64, a precursor to the bill, promised that marijuana products would not be designed to be appealing to children or be confused with commercial goods, prohibit the marketing of nonmedical marijuana to those under 21, and that cannabinoids will not exceed 10 milligrams THC per serving. AB 1207 will clarify parts of Prop 64, such as, defining what is “appealing to children,” require that cannabis be separated in individual doses and adopt emergency regulations to implement these provisions.

Since cannabis is so clearly marketed to the youth of today, it was imperative for Newsom to ensure that the bill would be passed. Alas, it once again was left in the hands of the parents to ensure that their own offspring do not get a hold of their cannabis stashes. An unfair requirement because clearly, changing the packaging would be a lot less work than just being responsible for the items in your own household.

In fact, parents and professionals should be aware that California should not just stop at marijuana control. If it is the packaging that makes marijuana products appealing to children we should stop to consider that alcohol should also be repackaged. So many brands of alcohol look like other harmless drinks whether they be juice, soda, or coconut water, case in point: beatboxes. Packaging and marketing make them look like delicious drinks, making it a moral imperative to transform these products into something less appealing to children.

Parents have the right to keep marijuana in their household. They have the right to keep alcohol. If a child gets access to those items, it’s clearly the fault of marketing and packaging for making them seem so appealing to the younger generation. It couldn’t possibly be that children just like candy. Parents should be able to keep these items freely in their house and feel comfortable knowing that it is not packed in fun gummy shapes or soda bottle designs that will tempt their children. We know all too well that simply changing them to look less appealing will make a child less likely to put it in their mouth. 

Now that AB 1207 is vetoed there is no turning back. Packaging is going to remain the same. Children will flock towards the colorful aisles of marijuana products, that are stored in stores they are not permitted to enter, unaware of the evil that lies within them. Parents will be unable to set boundaries with their children knowing that they are no match for the wonders of bold and bright colors. Teens will run rampant on the street waving around their marijuana products knowing that their silly gummy times will last, and that their parents will have no intention of laying down rules for consumption.

Since AB 1207 was vetoed by Governor Newsom, he should be held liable for all future accounts of marijuana poisoning. If it were not for him, California would have clearly been able to curb marijuana consumption by underage users. Packaging would have been more drab, which would obviously deter people from consuming it. The only way to prevail now is to continue to escalate the situation because that always works. Do not stop at marijuana rebranding. Go to alcohol, make their packaging less appealing, get rid of their fun fruity flavors. To stop this nationwide epidemic of consumption, we must ensure that there is no joviality found in drugs and alcohol.

*This is a satirical piece and is not intended to communicate any true or factual information about the writer’s opinion except through humor and/or exaggeration. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as satire, parody or spoof of such persons and is not intended to communicate any true or factual information about that person.