How do you deal with LDR [Long Distance Relationship]? It’s been three years, and I’m still head over heels, but it doesn’t get any easier :((

Tabitha, she/her

Long distance just sucks in any relationship. There aren’t any pearls of wisdom about that; they simply suck. I don’t think any of it is supposed to get easier. In fact, I think it just gets harder the longer you do it. The real problem can be when the physical distance translates into the emotional distance.

Many people describe an LDR as something they’re doing, waiting for the light at the end of the tunnel. I would ensure that what you’re waiting for is the same thing your partner is waiting for. The end goal is to be in the same place together at some point so make sure you’re on the same page about what that point is and what you want that to look like. Figuring out how to navigate your relationship when you come back together might be harder than the distance.

There aren’t many practical tips, and even I, someone who has never been in a serious relationship, let alone a long-distance one, have recurring nightmares about the couch guy situation. The biggest thing is security. If either one of you is feeling insecure about any aspect of the relationship, it’s an uphill battle. It’s about consistent effort. If this person matters to you enough, it’s just about endurance.