The guy I’ve been seeing is graduating this year. He is 2 years ahead of me & although that may not sound like a big difference, I feel like we are in different worlds. He’s going to start his life soon & I’m only halfway through UCR. I’m worried that I’ll hold him back. What do I do?


It really depends on where this relationship is at. If you’ve discussed staying together, you should stop worrying about holding him back. As long as you support his goals and aspirations, there’s nothing more you can do. Two years can seem like you’re living really different lives, especially if you’re with someone who is on a different schedule and is marking an important milestone like graduating. With this, it really comes down to whether or not both of you are willing to put in the work of making time and accommodating each other’s lives. It is a joint effort. As annoying as I find group projects, you can’t be the person who puts the whole thing together while the other person just shows up on presentation day.

If he’s pushing this narrative of being held back, run out of there as fast as your legs will carry you! The idea that putting work into what should be an important relationship in your life holds someone back is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life. 

I know this is scary and I don’t know how meaningful this relationship is, but I know it will hold you back if you’re putting work into a relationship where your partner cannot or will not do the same. Make sure you’re both willing to face the challenges of leading separate lifestyles for a while. If this relationship is strong enough, it can survive two years of college. You might think you can predict everything that could go wrong, but trust me when I say that’s not physically possible, no matter how much of a pessimist you are. I’ve tried — like, really tried. I do know, with absolute certainty, it definitely won’t last if you both aren’t trying.