For students, the Thanksgiving holiday comes at a particularly hectic and unforgiving time. At the University of California, Riverside (UCR), the end of the fall quarter is rapidly approaching. With weeks eight through 10 being dedicated to coping with the impending doom of finals week, catching up on an entire quarter’s worth of studying (for some of us…), planning next quarter’s classes and yearning for the upcoming month’s rest of winter break.
To put it simply, it can be hard to feel anything close to gratitude when most students are thinking about whether or not they checked off all their Canvas assignments while they dig into a plate of mom’s home-cooked holiday meal. Or, while their cousin twice-removed asks them what sort of job they’re planning to get with their, ahem, little English degree.
Going back home, especially as a university student, can bring up all sorts of feelings — and while it is important to spend time with family (even those pesky distant relatives), the comfort of home can pale in comparison to the overall stress of the college student experience.
Furthermore, it can be hard to separate from the friends made on campus, as once the long-weekend of Thanksgiving is over, next comes Christmas break and New Years, all of which tend to be spent back in whatever far-off hometowns college students come from. A campus dorm, apartment, library or even the coffee shop (the Highlander Unions Building) can feel like home to a student, and part of what makes this true is the friends who tag along through it all.
This year, it feels important to highlight the unique and special experience of being a college student during the holidays. The concept of Friendsgiving seems to come directly out of this experience, and it is just as important — if not more — than the traditional, fancy-silverware dinner hosted at grandma’s.
The term Friendsgiving most likely emerged out of the early internet, as the Merriam-Webster dictionary cites a 2007 Twitter post referring to the word to describe “an informal meal with friends.” The term was officially added by the powers-that-be in January 2020. The website even jokes that the aim of Friendsgiving is to “escape your family.”
Most college students might have used going off to their university of choice as their method of escaping family, and are still beholden to them in various ways, meaning that skipping out on traditional Thanksgiving is probably out of the question. Fortunately, Friendsgiving is unconventional in nature, which means the time, place and manner in which it is celebrated truly has no rules.
In popular media, one of the most memorable Friendsgiving moments comes from the classic television series “Friends,” in which the sitcom stars notably spend the holidays with each other, existing as a family-like unit. And though they’re far out of college-age, the “Friends” cast is reminiscent of what it’s like to assemble a tribe, have best friends and roommates and pass through life’s little milestones together in a very similar way to the college student experience. Coincidentally, “Friends” tends to be most-watched during family gatherings and holidays, likely because of its mild nature, nostalgic feeling and a kind of ode to tradition.
However, “Friends” feels too conventional to be a staple of unconventional holiday rituals — especially considering its heteronormative aura. The show doesn’t resonate with the contemporary shift towards queerness in the media this year, as seen through musicians like Chappell Roan and Billie Eilish, and films like “Love Lies Bleeding” and the upcoming A24 film “Queer.”
It is without a doubt, though, that the pioneer of unconventional queer media is director John Waters. Films like “Hairspray” (2007), a classic in many households, being one of his more PG-rated films. “Cry Baby” (1990), on the other hand, exists as the unconventional holiday film of the year.
This Waters film tells the rambunctious tale of a grimy, loveable family of misfits and delinquents, who are part biker-gang, part trailer-trash, yet fully there for each other — teen-pregnancies, poverty and all. John Waters’ classic musical-comedy shines exceptionally well in this film, it fits in perfectly with the concept of alternative family gatherings, like turning Thanksgiving into Friendsgiving with one’s chosen family.
While “Cry Baby,” or most of John Waters films for that matter, might be blasphemous to turn on at grandma’s Thanksgiving dinner party, it’s important to remember that growing up means having the power to build one’s own rituals that suit whatever subversive lifestyle that’s being lived.
And even if going back home for the holidays may be a time of stress in the midst of other stress, there is truth in the idea that home is something carried within.
Or, the real home is the friends made along the way. LOL.
