In a plot twist nobody saw coming — not even the aunties who claim to have all the gossip — New York City has apparently decided that the relationship between Donald Trump and Mayor-elect Zohran Mamdani is the next great American bromance.
Yes, Trump has found a new “Bubba,” as one bewildered New Yorker put it and that “Bubba” is a socialist-leaning mayor who somehow convinced the city that socialism does not mean giving your TV to your neighbor.
Some interviews with them together inform the public. Some interviews sway voters. And some interviews feel like watching two planets collide in slow motion while the rest of us whisper, “Is this … actually happening?” The recent Trump-Mamdani sit-down was exactly that.
Trump entered with the theatrical confidence of a man who believes every room is secretly a rally stage. Mamdani walked in like someone who spent all morning telling himself, “You can do this. You can survive this.”
But the weird part —
Trump is glazing Mamdani.
Like Krispy-Kreme level glazing.
He’s called Mamdani “charismatic,” “interesting” and “a different kind of socialist,” which is basically Trump-code for “the only one I don’t openly boo.”
Mamdani, meanwhile, radiated “PR intern on their fifth coffee.” He nodded politely every time Trump derailed the conversation and kept perfect posture even as Trump tap-danced around policy like a man who once declared tariffs were “the most beautiful word.”
The most chaotic part? People actually love this. Especially the person writing this. It’s like reaching across the aisle, even though the aisle in question is more like a lava pit filled with glitter, ego and a social media intern having a breakdown.
Trump’s side: “Look! He’s civil and cordial with a socialist! How presidential!”
Mamdani’s side: “If Trump doesn’t call Mamdani his favorite Democrat on camera, we win.”
Shockingly, people love it. Commentators are calling it “reaching across the aisle,” even though the aisle is basically a glitter-filled lava pit supervised by a panicked social media intern.
At this point, we might as well embrace the absurdity. If politics wants to become a PR bromance nobody ordered, fine. Let them have it. Let them launch a joint press tour. Let them release a podcast called “Left, Right and Wrong” where Mamdani explains policy and Trump interrupts to comment on the lighting.
Because if there’s anything this country has taught us, it’s that politics is no longer politics. It’s reality TV with higher stakes and worse hair, basically Love Island for policy bros, where we’re all forced to watch Trump “explore his connection” like it’s a televised situationship.
The Weekly Dossier is intended for entertainment and satire; its content should not be taken as serious news or factual reporting.
