Everyone hates small talk. It’s usually about surface level topics like colors, weather or food. Yet somehow, it is almost always uncomfortable. Both people mumble over their words, cringe at their own jokes and go silent while staring at their hands. All while counting the minutes in their head until they can go home. But who said small talk is meant to be fun? I’ve made it through my fair share of excruciatingly tense conversations, and over the years I’ve picked up some useful tips that will help you get through your next dreaded interaction.
Let your body do the talking
People are often very easy to read. When your shoulders are stiff, it’s obvious you’re stressed or nervous. When you avert your eyes it shows insecurity or discomfort. Your body speaks before your mouth does. So relax your shoulders, make eye contact and even use your hands naturally as you speak. Many people mirror what they see; so if your body is tense, they will be tense too.
Taking a moment to relax before the conversation begins can eradicate any weird energy in the air. When your mind is calm you’re less likely to overthink things and say something that will keep the conversation tense and uncomfortable.
Dip your toes in the water and start neutral
When in conversation it’s natural to fall into the, “this or that” takes. This is usually fine with good friends, family and significant others. However when talking to a new friend or even a stranger, it’s best to take a lighter approach. Stick to a more neutral, or non-controversial topic at first. This doesn’t mean talking has to be boring. It just means finding the perfect middle ground.
Asking something simple like, “How’s the weather?” can feel a bit stiff, but jumping into something like “What do you think about climate change?” can feel overwhelming. The goal is to ease into the conversation. Differing opinions often bring hesitation, and this is what can lead to that awkward tension. Starting naturally helps avoid the tension and keep things flowing naturally.
Don’t make yourself small or be too hyperaware
You can make small talk without shrinking yourself in the process. Here’s the secret most people don’t tell you, it’s all fake. Confidence is all in your head, so if you don’t feel like you have it, just say you do and magically you will. Well, you’ll at least have enough to get you through a short conversation. In order to do this you need to avoid being too self-aware.. Occasionally we allow hyper-awareness to keep us paying attention to thoughts like, “How does my hair look?” or “They definitely just hated that joke I just made.” These thoughts will bring down your newfound confidence and blow it all away.
And one last tip: if you start a conversation a little off, it doesn’t mean the rest of it has to go that way. If you do do something a little cringey or even just completely dumb don’t try to overexplain it or fix it, just have a quick laugh and move past it. The moment you try to fix your weird moments, the worse it gets. Remember at the end of the day, awkwardness isn’t even real!
