With campus petitioners coming down on unsuspecting bystanders like moths to a flame and manipulating them to commit to obviously false promises, the time to put one’s foot down and start making informed decisions is now. For those who are just trying to get to places on time and hate being pestered when it comes to being told what to sign, and for those who just want to have new tunes to listen to, here’s the perfect playlist for avoiding petition tables.
“Got the Time” by Joe Jackson
With a lightning fast tempo that emulates the heartpounding sense one might have when trying to catch the last train home, “Got the Time” by Joe Jackson is the perfect tune to race past campus without trying to hear a word out of petitioners mouths. With snarky lines such as “If I tell you what I’m doing today? / Will you shut up and get out of my way,” Jackson turns adrenaline into prose. The riveting post-punk track off of Jackson’s album “Look Sharp!” is an anthem for those who are all too busy with their lives to be distracted by menial sidequests.
“Throw Yourself to the Sword” by Die Spitz
“Throw Yourself to the Sword” by Die Spitz offers a loud and proud grunge sound that’s sure to make one feel untouchable. The song superbly captures the rage one feels when being hassled by people looking to get signatures. With an exhilarating riff that’s sure to evoke a fight-or-flight response, the track will get one going to where they need to go as fast as possible.
“I Don’t F*ck With You” by Big Sean (Ft. E-40)
Although a definitive track for ragers and pregames, “I Don’t F*ck With You” by Big Sean featuring E-40 could just as well work within the context of not giving any attention to what petitioners have to say. The lyrics, as well as the song title itself, perfectly encapsulates what everyone is thinking every time they are met by egregiously annoying inquirers. The song is at its best when at its maximum volume, and those who are feeling extra bold should definitely blurt out the lyrics at those demanding signatures.
“Shut Up” by The Stranglers
Despite being more notable for their melodic 1982 song “Golden Brown,” one cannot forget how The Stranglers played a substantial role in the formation of punk rock with “Shut Up” being a prime example. With a rollicking bassline and straightforward verses, “Shut Up” by The Stranglers gets its point across within a span of a minute. Given lyrics such as “I’ve gotta lotta things to do / I told you to get out of my sight,” the song is the perfect tool to blast out and deter any and all loiterers.
“Painkiller” by Iceage (feat. Sky Ferreria)
This grandiose track from a band rock legend Iggy Pop referred to as “the only current punk band I can think of that sounds really dangerous” is sure to get one’s blood pumping. The song most notably includes a blaring horn section akin to “The Underdog” by Spoon which is sure to drown out the grating voices of askers. For those with a pep in their step, “Painkiller” by Iceage and featuring Sky Ferreira is an upbeat and melodic tune that hits just as hard as a double shot of espresso.
“Killing in the Name” by Rage Against the Machine
This seminal track off Rage Against the Machine’s 1992 debut album perfectly exemplifies what revolution sounds like. Real change doesn’t come from signing papers detailing fruitless promises with one’s names and data while hoping for the best, but from openly shouting out one’s displeasure with the current system whether it’s on campus or at a city hall. Lines such as “I won’t do what you tell me” could just as easily be used to tell off agitating visitors and authority.
“The Stroke” by Billy Squier
Those with a more vintage music taste should absolutely have “The Stroke” by Billy Squier in their anti-petitioning playlist. The song’s subtler lyrics detailing the common trope of signing one’s life away to the music industry can just as well be applied to how people are signing their information away to complete strangers. The song’s dirty hard rock sound and more-or-less cacophonic harmonica playing are added bonuses when muffling out petitioners.
While petitioning has always been a longstanding form of protest, there are undoubtedly better ways to enact change without having to give out personal information to random strangers. It is even less benevolent when petitioners throw in incentives for signing. Although one should always strive to make the world a better place, these acts certainly shouldn’t involve giving away one’s address and details.
