Navigating adulthood is hard in itself. Beyond all the craziness, the fact that it doesn’t come with a manual makes it even harder. And one thing I have realized is that I don’t have an off switch. Every morning I wake up and there is something waiting for me: emails, texts, Canvas notifications or the 80 reels my friend sent me when she was supposed to be doing homework.
It feels like there is always something to be done, responded to, perfected, completed. Then come the days when my calendar goes from a sea of pastel boxes to nothing and I can take a break. But no, even on those days it feels like that’s the time to complete applications for internships, scholarships or read a book (and it better be a literary classic).
It feels like we need to always be doing something more, always improving, always growing and always having to be “on.” This is my default setting and it’s exhausting. When being “on” becomes the default, rest starts to feel wrong, and beyond wrong, it starts to feel selfish.
On a free day, I’ll sleep in and at the moment it feels good to rest, but after, I feel guilty for not using my time more efficiently. I think of the things I could have done or how I could have been more productive. Productivity starts to feel tied to worth, and taking a moment or a day to slow down feels like falling behind.
College culture doesn’t help. We praise the grind. We admire and are slightly envious of our peers who are juggling internships, research, leadership positions and how they make it look effortless. Being busy is praised as ambition. This grind starts to chip away at us and before we know it, there is an unannounced cost: burnout.
Burnout seems to be a college tradition at this point. First, it starts with little things. Not going to the gym because you “don’t have time.” You tell your friends you’ll hang out soon and tomorrow becomes next week, and then before you know it, it’s been months since you’ve seen them. You are also trying to navigate life through a sea of constant fatigue, irritability and a small hum of anxiety that seems never to leave.
We need to normalize acts of self-care to mitigate the stress of always being “on.” Maybe it’s going for a walk without counting the steps or just taking a moment to watch your favorite show and not writing an essay while you watch it. We need to rewire our brains from being “on” all the time and that relaxation is not earned. We need time to relax and have fun. This should not feel selfish and we should be able to take an afternoon off without completing a to-do list.
Maybe adulthood doesn’t come with an off switch and we can’t change the grind culture, but we can choose to take time to slow down. We can choose not to optimize every second. Because the truth is when we look back at our college years we shouldn’t remember Canvas notifications or thousands of unanswered emails. We remember those friends we made in French class in our first year when we were nervous about making new friends. We remember laughing til our sides hurt in the library when we were supposed to be actually studying for our midterm.
Being “on” and ambitious isn’t the enemy, but it is exhausting if you don’t take a break. And taking a day or even an hour to have fun is going to be okay in the grand scheme of things.
So give yourself permission to be “off” and do nothing, and when you step back in the world, it will still be spinning the same way as when you took a second to rest, maybe with just one extra reel to respond to.
