There comes a time in every relationship when you both start noticing each others’ flaws: his obnoxious snoring, her dreadful morning breath, his disturbing sense of “fashion” or her questionable messiness. So, a very important question is raised. Is he or she worth it?
Relationships, one way or another, are tests. They test your patience and tolerance for the other person in order to see who is worth occasional sleepless nights or cleaning up after. They test for stability and most importantly, trust. The answer is simple enough; if you have more to gain than lose and they are not driving you almost insane, then maybe it’s worth the battle.
Arriving at that answer is the hard part, however. Some would blame the notion that the “honeymoon phase,” or the first few months of a relationship, is so wonderful that it ends up blinding you to what could potentially make you lose interest in the other person. Whether or not you believe in that phase is completely up to you, but there will be a time when your relationship runs the risk of ending after a nasty fight that leaves you both upset.
At that moment, you have two options: forgive and move on or end it right then and there. That all depends on the seriousness of the situation, of course. The obvious reasons for breaking up come to mind, ranging from various acts of unfaithfulness to him or her being a complete sociopath. While I do agree that there may be exceptions to your reasonings, I wholeheartedly believe that if he or she is holding you down, being unsupportive or making you more upset than happy, you should end it.
Your significant other should be the one person aside from family members and close friends that support you no matter what. You might disagree on certain things, but in the end, you’ll still have the reassurance that he or she will stand by your side during the ups and downs of this crazy rollercoaster ride that we call life.
He or she should make you happy; happier than most others can and in short, this special someone should make you feel good about being yourself. When all the makeup, gel or fancy clothes are replaced with a bare face, messy hair and pajamas, there should be no doubt that their feelings aren’t altered.
I’ve also personally realized that when it comes to a committed relationship, it’s okay to be a little selfish. You can be selfish if the situation pertains to your career or future plans, but if you are constantly putting your needs first, it’s safe to say that you’re abusing your power. Being properly treated or cared for and being demanding are two different things; as long as you can distinguish the former from the latter, you’re most likely on the right track.
However, people often feel pressured to keep a relationship going, even if it’s proving to be toxic for both parties. On one hand, you get the bragging rights of a long-term relationship, but on the other, you might be at your last straw with whatever your significant other has been making you put up with. Sure, a four year relationship is an outstanding feat, but behind closed doors, are you both really as happy as others perceive you to be? (If you are, then that’s very impressive and I’m just a tiny bit jealous). Otherwise, you might be holding on for the wrong reasons.
I understand that all relationships are different in their own way, and oftentimes solutions that might work for one couple won’t work for another. But with that said, I believe that you should do what makes you truly content. If that means they make you a better person and you’re able to wholeheartedly accept their flaws because you love them for who they are, then more power to you. But if that means breaking it off with a long-term partner in order to regain your sense of independence, control your own life or to just be happy, then so be it.