Throughout history, we’ve all come to admire the brilliant, independent scientists who defied the status quo and made transformative new discoveries. The Galileos, Copernicuses, Avogadros and Keplers were all rejected and brandished as fools in their own time, but it was their unrelenting courage, brilliance and conviction that finally led to the recognition of their genius. Today, the world has been graced with the presence of a new pariah scientific genius of our time, professional limo driver and armchair rocket scientist, “Mad” Mike Hughes.
The intrepid Hughes has rightfully become the de facto leader of our favorite band of science skeptics after nearly performing a highly empirical publicity stunt in November of 2017, in which he planned to launch himself a mile across the Mojave Desert in his own personally constructed rocket. A marvel of modern science, Hughes’ steam-powered rocket has the rallying cry of America’s most woke: ”RESEARCH FLAT EARTH” is painted across the side.
Ultimately, Hughes’ most honorable act of courage and selflessness was shut down by conniving deep-state bureaucrats at the Bureau (see?) of Land Management, who forbade him from launching just hours before his scheduled takeoff. He did however, receive plenty of coverage from the fake news media like the Washington Post, which reported “This man is about to launch himself in his homemade rocket to prove the earth is flat,” as well as National Public Radio.
Our scientific lord and savior’s newest quest is to procure a hot-air balloon, rocket pack and space suit to launch himself 52 miles into the sky and see the shape of the earth for himself. According to rough estimates, Hughes needs to fundraise about $2 million for the materials in order to settle the debate once for and all.
All of Hughes’ efforts are part of the rightful campaign to prove that the earth is a flat, frisbee-shaped object, and that the round earth “theory” is the product of an elaborate conspiracy of astronauts stretching back decades. Within the rightful campaign is a sophisticated network of “woke” individuals across the globe who were able to slip away from the sheep of the world and challenge the status quo.
The campaign however, has been infiltrated by deep state actors aiming to dismantle our scientific honesty and curiosity; some “flat-earthers” have begun to claim that Hughes does not even believe in flat earthism. Hughes has since responded in eloquent scientific terms, stating, “Do I believe the earth is shaped like a frisbee, or flat or whatever? I do, because in my months of research I’ve not been able to prove (otherwise).”
Further sticking it to both the man and his haters, Hughes went on to say, “All the crap we were taught in school about the mantle is all B.S. No one knows.” In his controversy however, Hughes has parted ways with the former standard bearers of America’s greatest intellectual movement, the Flat Earth Society, which has now become just another cog in the globalist round-earth machine.
Today, “Mad Mike” stands abandoned, left behind by the global syndicate spanning the disc-shaped earth. It is our duty as self-appointed scientists, engineers and very stable geniuses to launch Hughes into space so that he can tear down the veil and release the round-earth-believing sheep from their mental pastures. Mad Mike is a prophet that comes around once in a lifetime, it’s only righteous that we let our modern-day Copernicus regress us back to a pre-Copernican era of thought.
