Since the founding of UCR in 1954 one thing has stood the test of time as the foundation for the university’s consistent academic excellence and achievement. Most would tell you it’s the citrus fields and research labs, which many call the lifeblood of the campus. Others would say it’s the diversity and acceptance. I’m here today to tell you that all of those are wrong. The one consistent element that has lead to this university’s unmatched status is our beloved mascot, Scotty the Bear.
For too long our watchful protector has been cast aside and ignored, much like his statue located by the bell tower. However, there is one student group that exists, a sacred order that has devoted themselves to ensuring that our talisman receives the praise he deserves: The Cult of Scotty the Bear. The group, whose members will not be named in order to preserve their anonymity, has served Scotty since his inception and hold weekly, secret meetings at several sacred spots related to their idol. Group members were kind enough to allow the Highlander to cover one of these gatherings. However, to preserve the group’s privacy we won’t disclose the time or place where this meeting occurred.
But despite this extreme privacy, the club always welcomes new members. The club meetings are very intimate, with all the members knowing each other personally, taking classes together and of course always paying tribute to the school mascot. “People immediately think that just because we’re a cult, that our intentions are malicious,” one member explained, “But in reality we only have UCR’s best interests in mind.”
Despite the secretiveness of the club, the cult is always welcoming new members, however before joining one must go through a lengthy approval process. “We’ve done a lot over the years to ensure that we keep a low profile, so we really want to keep it that way,” the leader of the group, a fourth-year BCOE major graduating this spring, expressed. He went on to note that while the group is private, they are extremely welcoming and have nothing sinister to hide.
When asked why they joined the club in the first place, one member gave their testimony: “Scotty was there for me when no one else was. This past school year has been really rough for me and I’m only a second year. My girlfriend left me for my German Shepard, and then my German Shepard died. So I was single and dogless,” they recalled. Following their canine friend’s death they would also receive academic probation for being absent first eight weeks of classes and discussions, which they believed was too severe a punishment. Following a spiritual encounter with Scotty they were eventually lead to the group by the mascot. “Ever since finding these people and forming these close relationships, I’m really grateful that he did,” the member expressed, on the verge of tears.
Club members state those interested in joining should simply show their devotion to Scotty. They claim that you won’t find them, but they’ll find you.
Editor’s Note: This article is a part of The Highlander’s annual April Fool’s issue and it’s contents are not to be taken seriously whatsoever. But do have a good laugh.