As the star of director Taylor Hackford’s crime thriller “Parker,” Jason Statham (“The Expendables,” “The Transporter”) is part Robin Hood, part righteous villain and all brawn. As the film’s eponymous antihero, he throws impressive punches, drops cliché one-liners and inexplicably survives fatal stab wounds and gunshots. Basically, Statham plays the same character he usually brings to the screen. “Parker’s” combination of a wasted supporting cast and minimal filmmaking effort turns the film into a formulaic action movie, and it’s so conventional that I think the writers simply wanted an excuse to film in Florida and work on their tans.

The movie follows Parker, a righteous antihero who sticks to his own brand of ethics and seeks revenge against those who have wronged him. It starts off on a promising note; Parker, disguised as a priest with totally rad glasses, coordinates a heist at the Ohio State Fair with four other men. The cronies are mostly forgettable, except for their ringleader Melander (Michael Chicklis), whose fierce gaze heightens the tension of the situation despite the fact that he is decked out in clown makeup. At this point, my biggest recommendation is to leave the theater, because once the heist is up, the film becomes completely forgettable. Armed with the spoils of the job, Parker refuses to help the team on another mission to steal 50 million dollars in jewelry. He is shot and left for dead (which is something he absolutely should be, considering he was shot in the chest and head, but of course he survives because he’s Jason Statham). Parker, ever the grudge holder, makes it his personal mission to go after the men, find their location in Florida and teach them a thing or two about shooting a man in the head.

Fans of author Donald E. Westlake’s “Parker” series, on which the movie is based, are already familiar with the sparse backstory of Statham’s character. But for the rest of the audience, Parker seems like a criminal hero without motivation beyond revenge; no information is given about his character outside of brief flashbacks. We know that Parker works closely with his partner in crime, Hurley (Nick Nolte), who helps him on his quest to find the crooks that nearly killed him. Their meetings are constantly punctuated by the name “Danzinger,” which seems less like a character and more like a fruity drink; his significance isn’t realized until the last minute of the movie.

Jennifer Lopez and Jason Statham in Parker 2013 Movie Stills Photos and Posters  (3)

About 40 minutes into the movie, Jennifer Lopez happens. She plays Leslie, a down-and-out real estate agent in Palm Beach, Florida, who forces herself onto Parker as his unwanted sidekick. Her character’s significance lies solely in her skintight pencil skirts. Lopez and Statham lack any chemistry, which makes their relationship feel forced and frustrating. At one point, Leslie mashes her face against Parker’s in one of the most awkward kisses ever captured on digital film, and I couldn’t help but snicker alongside the elderly couple that joined me for Friday’s matinee screening. What’s worse (or better, if you’re part of the movie’s target demographic of 18 – 34-year-old men) is the fact that one of the sole functions of Lopez’s character is a solid 2 minutes of one of the most gratuitous strip searches in cinematic history. “Take off your clothes,” Parker growls. “I have to know you’re not wearing a wire.” Lopez strips, twirls and goes as far as to smile softly to herself as though they had just shared a lovely first date. When she attempts to seduce him soon after, my resulting groan was loud enough to reverberate throughout the theater, which was empty at that point in the film.

I was sorry to see the rest of the talented cast shuffled into the film’s background. Bobby Cannavale (“Boardwalk Empire”) plays a cop who is only seen swooning over Lopez’s curves, and he is completely forgotten by the film’s end. Meanwhile, Leslie’s mom (Patti LuPone) provides necessary comic relief. When Statham shows up on her and Leslie’s patio, bloodied and weak after a nasty fight, he asks if she can cook for him. “Cómo no?” she replies with an off-hand shrug.

Director Taylor Hackford described “Parker” as “unapologetically a crime action genre piece,” and that’s all it tries to be. There are a few memorable moments in the film, including an epic balcony battle between an assassin and Parker, who is stabbed through the hand and continues to fight with a knife sticking out of his palm. Also memorable was Statham’s attempt at a Texan drawl, which was a fantastic linguistic train wreck. But unless you are a diehard fan of the books, generic action films or Jennifer Lopez’s body, don’t waste your time with “Parker.” Catch it in a few months when it shows up as a late-night cable showing.

Rating: 2 stars