Coming back to school after summer break is always a waking nightmare, especially as I enter my final year of undergrad. Watching freshmen move into the dorms with their wide-eyed enthusiasm while I’m caught between nostalgia and dread, I can’t help but think about how much has changed — and how much hasn’t. Back-to-school season brings everything into perspective, reminding me that time is slipping away faster than I’d like.
I’ve been through a few summers as a college student, and each one feels like a distinct chapter in a book I’m still figuring out how to write. After my freshman year, the summer stretched before me like an endless horizon. With no responsibilities and plenty of home-cooked meals, I happily bed-rotted my way through those three months, convinced that I had all the time in the world. I had never felt more content doing nothing, but that blissful nothingness didn’t last.
Fast forward to the summer after sophomore year, and things couldn’t have been more different. I spent months on a futile hunt for a summer job, applying to over ten places and hearing back from none. Every rejection chipped away at the carefree attitude I had after my first year. It felt like the world was moving on without me, and the three months that had once seemed so long felt like they were slipping away.
But nothing could’ve prepared me for the summer before my senior year. This time, I had internships to worry about, grad school applications to consider and my resume to perfect. I stayed on campus for the entire summer and took online Session A and B classes at school for no real reason other than to occupy my mind.
Why did I stay on campus when the classes were online? I still don’t have an answer. Maybe it was escapism in the form of a self-imposed distraction, a way to keep myself busy and avoid thinking too much about what happens after graduation. Yet, even with all that on my plate, I never felt like I was doing enough. It was far too easy, so my peers moved ahead of me while I remained stubbornly stuck in place. And more importantly, I didn’t have a second to truly rest. The only break I got was a quick trip back home for the Fourth of July, and even that was tainted by class assignments.
So, this back-to-school season feels especially brutal. The idea that summer is supposed to be a break just seems laughable now. It is technically three months off from classes, but is it ever enough? There’s always something to do with work, internships and taking care of responsibilities. Rest becomes something you fit into weekends or short vacations, just like the lives of working adults I’m supposed to adopt soon. No amount of time ever feels like it’s enough.
Amidst all this dread, there are still things to look forward to. I love the friends I’ve made at this school and am more than excited to have the opportunity to create more memories with them. Plus, honestly — money is a huge motivator. My on-campus job started two weeks before classes, and I’m already feeling a little better about my bank account. I’ve also always loved fall quarter. Something about the Halloween spirit and the cooler weather makes me more compelled to relax.
Now, as the fall quarter begins, I can’t say I’m looking forward to the exhaustion that’s bound to come with balancing work, classes and planning for the future. The thought of everything I have to manage feels paralyzing. I’m caught in a spiral of feeling unprepared for the future while knowing time is slipping away. But classes will start, time will pass and everything will keep moving forward whether I’m ready for it or not.
This year, I’m trying to lean into healthier habits and remind myself that it’s okay to be overwhelmed. School is hard and life is harder. It often feels like there’s not enough time to do everything we’re supposed to and as the saying goes, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” It’s important to take the time this year — and every year — to rest and stop yourself from pushing down feelings of exhaustion out of a fear of falling behind. Taking a break and intentionally permitting yourself to rest should be at the top of everyone’s to-do list. It’s time to treat relaxation like it’s an assignment. There’s no use in worrying about or trying to predict the inevitable future.
I don’t know what this final year holds for me, but I hope I can find my place on campus once again and finally figure out where I’m going from here.
