If you’ve been walking around campus any time in the past five months, you might’ve noticed the petitioners’ tables that seemed to magically spawn at hot spots all around campus. And if by chance you were trying NOT to notice them, they definitely saw you — immediately shoving a clipboard under your nose asking if you want to end homelessness.
To avoid causing a scene and to get people off your back, the people pleaser in you might find it prudent to give strangers your personal information in exchange for a Celsius, and hopefully, being left alone. I’m here to tell you that there is a way to avoid all of that. Here are a few simple sentences that can roll off your tongue just as they attempt to disturb your peace.
“I’m not a California resident”
Quick, sensible and sure to turn them right around to their next target. Most of the petitions they are asking you to sign are specific to the state of California, so by claiming to be from Arizona, you shift their attention to someone else. Claiming you aren’t registered to vote simply won’t cut it because these tables often have voter registration documents with them as well. By forsaking your home state you can avoid their badgering.
“I have a class I need to get to”
Make sure you keep on walking as you say this. It especially helps if you put your phone up to your ear and make it seem like you’re on a call. You are a student, and more often than not, these forms take a minute to sign because of how much information they ask you to write. Assuming they are not overly pushy and have some semblance of respect for your time, these petitioners are sure to leave you alone.
“I have to pee”
Unless they want you creating a puddle for them to step in, they will clear out as soon as these words leave your lips. Sure to baffle, bamboozle and disgust them, your bodily functions will get them off your case so that they avoid being in the splash zone. Granted, if you are a commuter student who is walking or driving around the parking lot this may not work as well for you, so try to save this excuse for when you are closer to campus.
“I’m late for a funeral”
This one requires a bit of gravitas. The goal is to make them feel as guilty as possible and hopefully ashamed enough to reconsider their career choices. Make sure you screw your face up in outrage and even squeeze out a fake tear or two. As you rush off be sure to look over your shoulder and give them a look of distaste. If you do this in front of other people be sure to yell loudly enough that other people turn around and stare judgmentally at them. The collective embarrassment will hopefully be enough to put them out of a job.
“My dog died”
This one is an individualized bombshell and is not to be dropped lightly. Use this one for when they simply won’t leave you alone and have been harassing you for minutes on end. Their faces will drop, they’ll start to stammer and that is when you begin to absolutely rage at them. Use this as an opportunity to have the mother of all crashouts and scream at them for their behavior. It is one thing for them to put you on the spot and ask you for your signature but continuously bothering someone is unacceptable.
While participating in civics is a noble pursuit, you should be well informed of what you choose to participate in and not feel pressured to give up your personal information. While these techniques apply for scams in general it’s important to note that these petitioners in particular are taking advantage of your kindness and your desire for change. Remember, nothing good comes easy, and change, however big or small, comes from you knowing what you want and not letting others push you into making a choice that’s not yours.
