This totally doesn’t come from experience, but I’m sure there are many Highlanders out there that are tired of being let down by a bad date. If you want to be the one who lets down your date for a change, you’re in luck! Here is a list of what you should do to achieve your goal of becoming a walking red flag going into every first date.
Go to the movies
If you want to have a horrible first date but don’t even know where to start, suggest going to the movies. Choose any movie you want whether or not your date wants to see it. All that matters is that you want to watch it! A movie date is also perfect if you don’t want to have to talk to your date. Not talking during a movie is acceptable, because perhaps your date wants to pay attention to the movie and not disturb the other watchers around you. However, I bet you have never heard of this tactic before: don’t talk to them even before the movie starts nor after it ends. Get to the theater, watch it, then leave. You don’t even have to sit next to them if you don’t even want to!
Let your date carry the conversation
Talk minimally — or better yet, don’t talk at all! Let your date do the talking, and you can do the hearing. Don’t get “hearing” confused with “listening.” You don’t actually want to listen and retain anything your date is saying. It’s not like you’re going on a date to get to know them. If you really have to say something, be dry. One-word answers are a must when it comes to ensuring you make it in your date’s friends’ group chat. However, if one-word answers really don’t suffice, my next suggestion is to only talk about yourself. Don’t direct questions towards your date, because it’s not like you’re actually curious to know about them. Respond to their questions and the stories they might tell with answers all about yourself. Try to make yourself sound as great as possible — even if that means lying about some things.
Be on your phone the entire time
There is nothing more interesting on a date than your phone. It’s not like you use it all the time. Text other people, scroll through Instagram, whip out Pokémon Go — there is a plethora of things to do that do not include having to interact with your date. Human connection is unnecessary when you have technology at your fingertips.
Express no interest
It’s not like you agreed to go on this date in the first place. Something that is even better than expressing no interest is actively expressing your disinterest. Be rude to the waiter, belittle your date — do everything possible to make the situation as uncomfortable for your date and everyone around you at all times. My personal favorite is to list everything you don’t like about your date right then and there. If your date does try to continue to pursue you (which, trust me, they will), your relationship should be built on blatant honesty. There is no better way to do that than to tell them every little detail of what they should change about themselves to force them to be perfectly to your liking.
After reading this list, please remember if you go on a date, and the person you’re with really does do any of these things, they are likely not interested in you and are not worth your time. I know with the Valentine’s season coming up, you may be vying for the type of romance that musical artist Laufey might describe. However, no potential romantic companion merits taking this kind of treatment. Know your worth. You deserve much, much more than a bad movie date.
