“As a straight man, the only demographic I attract is gay men. And while swapping teams would be awfully convenient, I am still straight! How do I begin attracting women and not gay men? Do I just turn into a gym bro or Asian Baby Boy (ABB), or should I just be myself?”
Anonymous, he/him/his
Being attractive to men is a plight and I really do feel for you, but you have to consider that you might not be putting out the right vibes. I would consult your female friends and see what they think. Talk to your most direct friends so they give you the truth instead of just telling you platitudes about how you just haven’t found the right girl.
Starting a relationship requires introspection. This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, but getting advice from women who know you could help you. We all have flaws and imperfections and have to work on ourselves. Try considering that you’re just not ready for the right girl yet, and that gives you time to work on being the best version of yourself. Being that matters more than focusing on who you attract. Who people are attracted to is a fickle and uncontrollable thing, and people get to have that latitude, so don’t let how many girls are interested in you determine your self-worth.
I would also consider weighing how many female friends you have. A guy having no female friends is, to me at least, an indicator that I need to be more hesitant around them. Women have to go about their lives with an unhealthy dose of fear, so knowing that the guy you’re flirting with has the influence of female friends who have similar experiences and understanding is meaningful. Though this can go both ways with the girl best friend stereotype, so tread carefully.
You might just be unaware of who is attracted to you. Put yourself out there more instead of just a wait-and-see approach. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve liked that were absolutely oblivious and never knew, and it’s definitely more than the guys I’ve been painfully obvious about liking. You have to put yourself out there just as much or maybe even more. Unfortunately, this whole gender norms and misogyny thing has really mucked things up when it comes to girls making the first move.
Don’t expect so much of yourself or others, it will only make finding that connection even more stressful. All in all, just be careful and considerate of everyone, including yourself.
