A food fight isn’t just about what’s on your plate — it’s about strategy, resourcefulness and the will to win. While the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) students enjoy their picturesque campus and gourmet dining options, UC Riverside (UCR) students have been unknowingly training for this moment their entire academic careers. With our innovative food science, resilient campus culture and battlefield instincts honed by years of adaptability, UCR wouldn’t just do well in a food fight — we would dominate.
UCR students are natural strategists. As a university that often flies under the radar compared to bigger-name schools, we’ve perfected the art of proving ourselves to others. Whether through groundbreaking research, student-led innovation or simply making the most of every opportunity, UCR students excel at thinking outside the box. In a food fight, that mindset is the difference between winning and getting splattered by De Neve Dining’s Chicago Style Deep-Dish Pizza.
UCLA students might have grand dining halls and carefully curated meals, but in battle, it’s not about aesthetic plating — it’s about tactical execution. UCR students know how to use what we have to the fullest, finding creative ways to outmaneuver, outlast and outsmart the competition. While Bruins hesitate, debating the best angle to throw their avocado toast, Highlanders would have already launched a perfectly calculated citrus assault.
More importantly, UCR students have something that can’t be bought: grit. While other schools might play to impress, we play to win. A fighter is only as strong as their weapons, and UCR has a food arsenal unlike any other.
Let’s start with the basics of a food fight: the food. UCLA students might have access to delicate pastries, smoothie bowls and gourmet sandwiches, but those don’t hold up in battle. Avocado toast crumbles too easily, and a perfectly plated Northern Lights Turkey Pesto Sandwich lacks the density for a serious impact.
Now, let’s talk about UCR’s food weaponry. The burritos? Tactical missiles. Hearty, well-wrapped and built for maximum splash damage, our burritos aren’t just delicious — they’re lethal in food combat. The Barn’s burgers? Morale destroyers. No one walks away from a face full of burger sauce and pickles without questioning their life choices.
UCR’s greatest advantage, however, lies in our citrus warfare. Unlike any other school, UCR has an agricultural legacy in research and the R’Garden that directly enhances our food fight capabilities. The R’Garden offers a unique advantage because of its sheer size and variety of fruits, vegetables and more compared to UCLA’s Garden.
Our expertise in citrus science means we understand how to weaponize oranges, lemons, avocados and grapefruits for peak battlefield efficiency. A perfectly aimed orange delivers a solid impact. A well-squeezed lemon creates a blinding juice spray for opponents. A grapefruit ensures maximum coverage with an acidic sting. Freshly squeezed citrus juice turns the battlefield into a slippery, unpredictable mess, slowing enemy movements and making quick escapes impossible.
Beyond citrus, UCR has another secret weapon: the honey trap. Thanks to our research in beekeeping and honey production, we know exactly how to turn this sticky substance into a strategic nightmare for our opponents. A well-placed squeeze of honey could immobilize an entire squad, leaving UCLA students flailing as they try to lift their shoes off the ground — and fail — to break free.
However, winning a food fight isn’t just about throwing food. It’s also about endurance,
adaptability and mental toughness — all of which UCR students have.
Surviving a Riverside summer is its own kind of battle and is not for the weak. UCLA students are used to mild coastal weather, but UCR students? We’ve endured triple-digit temperatures regularly, blistering heat waves and classrooms that feel like ovens. If we can survive that, we can handle anything.
The agility that comes with being a commuter school also plays to our advantage. Many UCR students have perfected the art of speed, adaptability and reflexes just by navigating campus life. Dodging traffic, sprinting to class from distant parking lots and weaving through crowded sidewalks have honed our instincts, making us natural food-fighting warriors.
More importantly, UCR students know how to work with what we have. UCLA students rely on prestige, but UCR students have always made the most of every resource. Whether in academics, research or student life, we don’t expect things to be handed to us — we earn every victory. And when the battlefield gets tough, we won’t hesitate or give up.
Overall, UCR has the ultimate advantage in terms of mental resilience. UCLA students are used to being on top, excelling in academics, athletics and social prestige. But when things don’t go as planned in a food fight, they won’t be able to handle it. When the first UCR-grown citrus missile lands, the Chronic Tacos burritos start flying and natural honey trap leaves them stuck in place, they will have to hide and give up.
UCLA students expect success, but UCR students earn it, which is why, when the chaos settles, it’ll be UCR standing victorious.
A food fight isn’t about name recognition or fine dining — it’s about strategy, adaptability and knowing how to turn food into an unstoppable force. And in all those categories, UCR reigns supreme. UCLA can keep its picture-perfect meals and trendy cafés. We’ll take the win because when it comes to all-out food warfare, UCR is simply built different.
