You’re sitting awkwardly at a table, and avoiding eye contact with the person across from you as you both mumble over conversation starters of the weather and how their job is going. Does this sound familiar? Of course! It’s the infamous first date.
Awkwardness is bound to happen when meeting someone new, especially when it’s meeting the person you’ve been texting for the first time — we’ve all been there. But sometimes this stage can last a little too long. For this first step to be a major success you have to set the stage for ease and comfort. While awkwardness comes easy, I’m here to give you some simple tips and tricks on how to avoid being awkward when pursuing someone new.
Chalance is in and nonchalance is out
While being nonchalant is a trend these days, it’s a major date turn off. Acting cool and having a care-free tone will not be a winner in the long run. It’s easier to take that route when you want to protect your ego, but to go on a date you have to let some of those walls down or you’re walking into a pending disaster.
Make it known that you want to be there. The sooner you both realize you’re there for the same reasons and express the same interest in learning about each other, the evening will go much smoother. In the long run this will also make conversations easier. First impressions are everything so show up how you want to be seen and remembered.
Pay attention and ask questions
Put the phone down and turn your listening ears on. Stay engaged in the conversation, and if there is no conversation, then start one! You’d be surprised by all of the interesting things you could talk about when you just go with the flow. When the other person is talking, keep in mind social cues that will ease up the intensity of the conversation.
Crack a joke and you’ll begin to see the ice crack along with it. Make some eye contact and even ask a follow up question to show them you were listening and with it, learn more about them in the process.
Avoid the surface statements that are hard to follow up on, like “Wow it rained pretty hard today.” Statements like these leave only an opening for the other person to nod in awkward agreement while you both stare at each other wondering who is going to make the first move in conversation next. If you are going to do this, I advise you to follow it up with something like, “Are you a fan of rainy days?” This leaves the conversation open ended for an opinionated response where they could even get into a story if they have one.
A little flirting never hurt anybody
Flirting is a bit of a lost art. It can now be seen as embarrassing or even a little cringey, but it makes things fun! Knock in a little playful banter, make small jokes about the things that they are talking about. A brush of the knee and a long gaze, or even just a smile as they’re talking, these are the things that make the stomach twist.
By doing this you’re creating less of a nervous awkwardness, but a flirtatious nervousness, which is arguably 10 times more fun. With an awkward nervous aura the silence feels heavy, painfully long and well … awkward. However flirtatious nervousness has a hint of excitement in wondering where the conversation will go next. Flirting may feel so “high school” and immature but the oldest trick in the book is usually the best one.
So put your best foot forward Highlanders, go in with a high head and a clear mind and you’ll be bound to turn the awkwardness around in a matter of minutes. By doing these things, you’ll walk out of your first date with a second one already in the books rather than an awkward hug and a blocked contact to end the night. A date doesn’t have to feel perfect, it just has to feel real.
