“We hang out all the time, we make each other laugh, and my gosh, he’s the best, if you know what I mean … But I’m over this situationship. I want him to be mine, but I can’t tell if that’s what he wants, too. What should I do?”
Anonymous
So, situationships … I can’t recommend them. It’s a sea of ambiguity and months of decoding texts. I believe that situationships are only for the bluntest of people and I think that they’re much harder than defined relationships. Knowing where you stand is hard when there’s no label on a relationship. It makes you ask questions like “Is he seeing other people?” or “Do I introduce him to my friends?” It makes you wonder if you have a right to those things.
This is an up-or-out situation. You could always try being honest with him, but that has the potential to be humiliating. If there’s another way to figure out where he stands, like asking a mutual friend, I would try that first. Pushing for clarity is risky and could end with you alone, so being discreet is key. I think, though, that if he’s not truly interested in a real relationship but only the facsimile of one, you need to get a headstart on moving on. If you can’t live with living in limbo until either he steps up or it all falls apart, you need to do reconnaissance and decide from there. It’s a question of what you can live with.
Either way, a situationship is not a sustainable outcome. Eventually, you’re going to need more. Don’t let a fear of his lack of interest in commitment overshadow your need to feel important to him. If he’s the type to walk away at that, the second you show him what you need, he was never going to be yours.
I also hate to accuse anyone of being delusional, but situationships are built on a bit of delusion. Sometimes, that delusion can give you courage and push you to build something that lasts longer than three months, but unfortunately, sometimes, the relationship is only going to shatter. As doomed as that may seem, I advise trying to think of the possible end of this situationship not as the time you got your heart broken, but the time you dodged a noncommittal bullet.
