Under the kilt: You do you, and I’ma do me

Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons
Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

We made it, we made it through the New Year’s kiss, the awkward questionnaire with family and basically anything the holiday can romanticize. Whereas some plan on spending the rest of the year with the person they spent the first minute of it with, others hope to find that person. Some people tried that for 2014 and, well, it didn’t really work out as planned.

It’s weird that “finding someone” is a resolution, but rarely is “ … and be happy with them.” Some settled for the dirtbag because they gave him the benefit of the the doubt. Others got their heart smashed on the curb when he left them forever alone. Then there are those who say to the hell with the heartbreak, it’s just sex. Most ended 2014 differently than when it began. But how do you start 2015? “I’m gonna do me.”

“I always thought that maybe I was over reacting because that’s what he told me,” a Riverside resident who wants to go by Joy Clark says. Joy exclaims a statement that many can identify with and reveals the harsh reality about a guy she dated after being best friends with him for many years. She began 2014 hand-in-hand with him, believing this is how the rest of her life would be. However, it got harder to believe that as the year went on. “He once said ‘can you look a little better next time I see you’ and I had been sick at home with the flu,” Joy says.

Going into the year, many believe that they need someone … and this person made Joy feel that exact way for a good portion of 2014: that she needed him. Whether it was her blood boiling over the edge or a craving for change, Joy told herself, and him, that this was not okay. And despite the “If you want to judge me by my mistakes then fine,” excuse he fed her, she realized she not only deserves better, but she does not need anyone to make her complete.

“I’m just gonna do me in 2015!” Dillon Clarkson says, after he realized the “forever alone” mentality seemed too negative. Like others, one of Dillon’s resolutions for last year was to find someone. He went on dates, got attached and was inevitably left back at square one. “He was like, ‘I have other priorities: school, fraternity … and you are not one of them,” Dillon reveals about someone he thought was serious. But Dillon kept going back for more. Was it because “forever alone” was still “too negative?”

Lots of people say that they are going to work on themselves and focus on their needs — and then that goes out the door when they see a happy couple. As Dillon went weak for the first guy that showed interest and kindness, he forgot about the person that actually matters: himself. He wanted to find someone to love him and want to be with him, but what he didn’t already understand was that he already had people on his side that did just that. He just needed to join them.

“No one plans to be a hoe,” Mark Meza explains when he shares his story of three rounds in one night. When a hangout with someone turns a little too steamy, it may result in a battle of “Who Removes Clothes Faster.” And then when both parties are cleaned up, buttoned up and saying goodbye, the phone rings. “I was like, ‘why not’?” Mark laughs. All cares went out the window when he went for round two. Both experiences were good times, mentally high-fiving himself for fulfilling his needs before putting his heart out on the line. And then the one he really longed for calls.

Do you shake your head to the offer or jump on the opportunity? If a person you have been wanting to see again gives you an opening, why wouldn’t you jump on it? Mark, though, is not looking for a relationship. As dating may be on the back burner, that doesn’t mean sexual desires should be too. And with that, he jumped on the chance and the man. He keeps it safe, as his partners do as well, and everyone leaves happy. “I get what I need, so does he,” he said.

You have the fierce one who will not settle for anything less than deserved, the noble one who will no longer search for what he already has and the brave one who will get what he wants and take no prisoners. Three people, three situations that many can relate to going into 2015. A new year does not mean you need a new person by your side. Unless, however, that new person is yourself. Staying true to yourself and not worrying about anyone else, you just have to say, “I’ma do me.”

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