Jack Nicholson buys Bing Center season tickets

 Leena Butt/HIGHLANDER
Leena Butt/HIGHLANDER

“You can’t handle the truth!” were the last words Jack Nicholson snarled at Los Angeles Lakers owner Jim Buss IV following the Lakers’ latest home loss to the Washington Bullets, which dropped the team to 9-42 on the season. Reports are that the 176 year old actor confronted Buss on the struggling franchise’s condition and later relinquished his season tickets, ending a 143 year relationship that dates back to 1970. Nicholson, who became the second person after Walt Disney to be cryogenically preserved and brought back to life through modern science in 2090, will now switch to the blue and gold and buy Bing Center season tickets for UCR men’s basketball.

Following the Bing Center’s completion in 2017, the basketball program at UC Riverside has surged in both ticket sales and team success. The university’s all time leading scorer Larry Cunningham joined the coaching staff in the 2019-2020 season fueling a Highlander run to the Big West Conference Finals. Six seasons later Southern California’s most coveted high school recruit, Lance William, shocked the world by signing his letter of intent to attend UCR. He stated his desire to stay close to family and a chance to major in one of the university’s world renowned science programs as reasons for his decision.

Tickets sales for the Bing Center exploded after William’s signing was announced. Highlander basketball sold out their season tickets for the first time in program history. In the 2025 season, William led the Highlanders to their first berth in the NCAA tournament and earned the university their first television deal with Fox Sports West. William declared his intent to join the NBA at the conclusion of the 2027 season behind UCR’s cinderella run to the NCAA Elite Eight with upsets of UCLA and UC Irvine. With UCR firmly on the college basketball map, the Highlanders continued to enjoy an ample amount of success winning Big West Conference titles and expanding the Bing Center for the next few decades.

After UC Riverside joined the newly expanded PAC-30 in 2070, Jack Nicholson was brought back to life through the breakout success of cryopreservation. Nicholson was surreptitiously frozen in 2037 with hopes of returning to complete his bucket list. Alive and kicking, the actor returned to prominent film roles and began to appear at several Lakers home games, but grew continually frustrated with the team’s incompetence. After a loss to the Cleveland Lebrons, Nicholson stated, “On a suck scale of 1-10. They’re a 10 plus two.”

In the midst of the 2112-2113 season, the Lakers went on a 27-game losing streak that was eventually snapped by a home win against the Chicago Bulls. Shortly after Nicholson disowned his beloved Lakers and looked for a new basketball program to quench his sports thirst.

With the Bing Center at the center of the sports and entertainment world, the choice for Nicholson was obvious.The Highlanders are on an incredible basketball winning streak and the Bing Center is located next to Microsoft Documentary Studios, Disney’s Adultland and Black Ops Arena. “You want answers? Look the Lakers were a substandard team and UC Riverside is a world leader in not only athletics but the sciences as well,” Nicholson stated. “They are world leader in science innovation and are probably one of the reasons why I am here today.” As the Highlander faithful continue to fill up the 15,000 seat Bing Center, expect a new fan to be perched right alongside them.

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