Whether it be a large argument or a slow distancing over time, there are many reasons why a friendship breakup can happen. No matter the cause, friendship splits are extremely difficult. Because they are not given as much airtime as romantic breakups, people can often feel that they are alone in navigating the process and won’t seek support or advice from the people around them. By not giving the proper acknowledgment to the conflict, it can sometimes even be harder to move on from and process than a romantic breakup. If you are currently questioning a friendship, this article will offer some points to consider when deciding if you need to break up with a friend and guide you through the process of splitting up.
Friendship ultimately serves as a key component in a person’s happiness. Happy friendships, happy life. The next time you are hanging out with someone whose friendship you are questioning, consider how you feel when you are with them and the impression they leave on you afterward. If you find yourself drained and irritable more often than you find yourself laughing, then it is definitely time to reconsider the relationship. Oftentimes we can let unhappy friendships persist for a while because we remember the happiness that may have happened at other times during the relationship.
Consider the implications of ending this friendship. If you are both a part of the same social circle, a split will affect more than just you. While it is not as satisfying and may feel like a cop-out, sometimes the backlash is just not worth the benefits of cutting off a toxic friend. Reflect on your own values and weigh out the potential emotional consequences of your actions.
Sometimes our brains play tricks on us, and what we may see as an affront may not even be something that our friend realizes they are doing. If you can list tangible reasons why the relationship is no longer making you happy, then you may want to consider talking it over with your friend.
Now, in the best-case scenario, your person listens to what you have to say and adjusts their behavior in order to be a better friend to you. If you voice your needs and don’t notice any change in behavior, it likely means that this person is unwilling or unable to put in the effort to evaluate themselves and how they affect the people around them. It is never your personal responsibility to “fix” someone, and if you have already told them how they are hurting you, then your job is done.
So, if you get to the point where you feel you have tried and considered everything, and you just feel that this relationship is not working for you anymore, here’s how to break it off.
There are many ways to end a friendship, but it is best to remain gentle and honest throughout the process. It may be tempting to make spiteful comments or messages, but ultimately this will invalidate the real reasons for why you are cutting someone off. Ghosting someone that you had a serious friendship with is never okay, but if you feel that you cannot handle an in-person interaction, you can instead send a text. No matter how you get the message across, make sure the terms are clear. Clarify what the relationship ending means to you. If you never want to speak to this person again, tell them that you want no contact. The rules around friendship splits are much less commonly agreed upon than that of romantic relationships ending, so make sure you are clear about what your intentions are.
Prepare for the worst with your emotions. If this was a very close friend, it is likely that you will feel very emotional after the split. Treat yourself as kindly as you would if you had just undergone a messy romantic breakup. If you don’t feel motivated to work, understand that this is a natural emotional response to a real situation. Do whatever makes you feel like you are taking care of yourself, and talk through the situation with people who support you. No matter what, understand that you will be better off emotionally from where you started, even if it takes time.
