Governor Jerry Brown has signed Assembly Bill 007, which eliminates all forms of state funding to the UC system. During a celebratory speech made at the UCR Bing Center, Governor Brown withdrew the final dollar from the university coffers, with hopes of ensuring a “feasible” academic agenda for the now-privatized UC system.
“This law will shift the funding we need...
Over spring break, a group of militant ravers stormed the senate chamber and overtook the ASUCR offices. Electronic dance music could be heard emanating from the room and flashing lights could be seen from the windows during the first few days of spring break. The group reportedly staged the coup due to the cancellation of the Heat Music Festival...
“You’re just missing a cigarette.”
The voice erupted in front of me like a squirt gun to the heart. I looked up and saw a man that could only be described as svelte, a word which I have never spoken but have read many, many times. It means “(of a person) slender and elegant,” and this man — in his...
A mystery has arisen at the new UCR track and field stadium. The construction of the track has caused a mysterious vortex to develop, sending runners back in time 5 to 7 minutes when they reach 357.22m from the starting line. The time vortex was found by an unnamed Highlander track athlete, who was certain she ended up in...
The Child Development Center (CDC) Building A was shut down last week due to a piranha infestation. University experts will work on clearing the infestation, and it should open in about six weeks or 7-8 months, whenever the CDC decides on a solid date.
Building A houses children ages three to five and provides schooling at the preschool and kindergarten...
Students camp outside of Student Services Building
Thousands of students have set up tents around the Student Services Building in hopes of gaining further financial assistance for paying off their high tuition fees. With lines wrapping around the Highlander Union Building (HUB), many students have embraced the week-long delays, despite facing heat exhaustion and encroaching line-cutters.
“These costs are truly outrageous...
UCR genetics professors Ken Wasabi and Kevin Sanchez have discovered Gene-69 AYE, better known as the “fuccboi gene,” on March 25. According to their research, this gene is responsible for an increase in passive-aggressivity, unwanted sexual advances, a love for trap music and an inflated ego among American males.
The professors began their research in 2015, when the popularity of...
A Taco Bell “Live Mas” logo will be erected atop the Highlander newspaper office to welcome its new corporate management on April 5, according to Editor-in-Chief Michael Rios. At the cost of a nacho cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, the Highlander was purchased by Jane Schmitt, CEO of Taco Bell. The privatization of the 60-year-old campus newspaper aligns with...
For the first time in 101 years, UC Riverside men’s basketball team was banned from the postseason for poor academic grades. This means that the first-ranked Highlanders will miss out on their chance to win a fourth straight NCAA Championship.
The Highlanders were the heavy favorites to reach the 2113 NCAA Championship game, but their hopes were shattered after poor...
RIO-SIDE
Erving “Magic” Johnson immediately regretted his decision to buy the Dodgers for $2.15 billion dollars. Realizing how worthless of an investment the Dodgers would turn out to be in the short and long term, Johnson decided to sell the team for $5 to some homeless guy he met at the park.
Just 24 hours after the deal, Magic realized that...