54.3 F
Riverside, US
Tuesday, November 20, 2018

Under the Kilt: The secret to happiness

The value of any human being can only be measured by the riches in his or her pockets or daily outfit. If you can't sense a gold mine from the first step, please refrain...

Students held at gunpoint, booty nearly stolen

Three students were held at gunpoint by two pirates at the mouth of the Colorado River at 11:30 p.m. on March 26. Out for a refreshing moonlit swim to the C, the students had...

Dave Chappelle and Lena Dunham body swap

In other breaking Arts and Entertainment news, acclaimed comedian Dave Chappelle and “Girls” creator Lena Dunham had their bodies swapped as well. This news is one of many instances where individuals are reported to...

Grizzly Scotty safety tips: Everything you need to know

After Scotty was replaced with an actual grizzly bear as a result of the “Freaky Friday” pandemic, it seems only appropriate to provide you with tips on how to stay safe when around the...

How to cope with not being yourself (while having multiple personalities!)

  This article was written as a compilation by Brian, John, Claire, Andrew and Allison, the multiple personalities of Adrian Garcia. When life hits us hard, it's difficult to concentrate on having a clear mindset. We...

Illuminati Confirmed: Secret society holds rituals at Bell Tower to shape time

The Ordo Temporis (OT), a branch of the Illuminati — a secret society formed in 18th century Europe and purported to rule the world from “behind the scenes” — was recently discovered to have...

Coping with the pope-ing: Surviving a papal presidency as a non-Christian

With the insanity of the body-swapping incident claiming the personas of millions, perhaps there is no swap more significant than that between the sovereign of Vatican City Pope Francis and President Donald Trump, effectively...

The Governator as chancellor will bring UCR back to prominence

On Friday, March 31, much of the media’s attention was centered on the revelation that a strange body-swapping effect had stricken the world, most notably in the case of President Donald Trump taking over...

Obama to deliver graduation speech at UCR, ditches UCI

In a press conference on Monday, President Barack Obama announced that he would be moving the location of his 2014 commencement speech from UC Irvine to UC Riverside. The commencement speech was originally intended...

UCR football plans new stadium expansion

After winning their second national title in three years, the UC Riverside Athletics Department has decided to a pursue a 10 million dollar expansion of the UCR stadium. The football program has seen every home...