UCR baseball claims victory in Earth’s first Inter-glacial baseball friendly
The UCR baseball team squared off against the Zepton Martians this spring break in what could stand as the greatest game and only game they have ever played on our planet. The Martians were...
Where not to go on campus in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse
Hay fever, Lyme disease and the resurgence of West Nile are all things to watch out for with the recent arrival of spring. A zombie pandemic can’t be too far out of the realm...
State defunds UC
Governor Jerry Brown has signed Assembly Bill 007, which eliminates all forms of state funding to the UC system. During a celebratory speech made at the UCR Bing Center, Governor Brown withdrew the final...
Ravers take over ASUCR
Over spring break, a group of militant ravers stormed the senate chamber and overtook the ASUCR offices. Electronic dance music could be heard emanating from the room and flashing lights could be seen from...
Bibliowhat: What is not noir?
“You’re just missing a cigarette.”
The voice erupted in front of me like a squirt gun to the heart. I looked up and saw a man that could only be described as svelte, a word...
Track and field stadium contains a time vortex, according to UCR department of physics
A mystery has arisen at the new UCR track and field stadium. The construction of the track has caused a mysterious vortex to develop, sending runners back in time 5 to 7 minutes when...
CDC infested with flesh-eating piranhas
The Child Development Center (CDC) Building A was shut down last week due to a piranha infestation. University experts will work on clearing the infestation, and it should open in about six weeks or...
The inevitable evolution of written discourse
Writing, in recent years, has taken center stage thanks to the meteoric rise of phenomena such as text messaging and Facebook. These days, electronic communication is a cultural constant, if not a societal mandate....
Supreme Court to rule on men’s health
Today, in the matter of Citizens for Justice vs. The National Health Care Providers of America, the Supreme Court will decide whether nationalized health care plans should cover the expense of male circumcisions and...
Campus Cope: Treading through the stress of swimming
The most common form of transportation for students, swimming, has easily lost its thrill factor. Despite the idea sounding like a great alternative for cardio (as if we really need to work out anymore),...