Water: A Shallow Effort
Originally panned by critics, namely the majority of the solar system, Water has found a small cult following on the planet Earth where some of its biggest fanatics, “humans” as they like to call...
Sea Monkeys swim into new waters with “PM”
Indie-rock band Sea Monkeys are back at it with their most recent project, “PM.” With their newest release, we watch the group dive into new waters as they experiment with doo-wop and pop sounds...
Hydroelectric dam to replace university parking lot
University officials recently approved the construction of a 600-foot hydroelectric dam to contain the mouth of the majestic Colorado River that snakes through parts of UC Riverside. Monikered the “Great Wall of Scotty,” the...
NCAA announces ban on sports idioms
Sports idioms have been banned by the NCAA for use by any media, including journalists and television commentators, after an uproar of the usage of sports idioms incorrectly. The NCAA came to the decision...
Restaurant Review: New Era
If you have ever been down University Avenue you may have noticed a boarded up brown building in between the Dynamite Café and Solar Panel Movie Theater. Recently, a respected age-old establishment bought this...
Away from the Swamp: Why the soundtracks of Shrek 1 and Shrek 2 are...
As I walked around Far Far Away Record Store, wallowing in the thought of never seeing our beloved Green One again, I suddenly heard a sound. “Somebody once told me the world is gonna...
Humanity, abandon all hope, for the squirrels shall inherit the earth
By: Steven “We don’t all wear tinfoil hats” McTinfoil
The end of the world has arrived early, and surprisingly not in the form of nuclear weaponry. Instead, as reported by the LA Times, ground squirrels have...
Wilcox quits chancellorship to become CEO of IHOP
Kim A. Wilcox has announced that he is stepping down as chancellor of UC Riverside to become the head of the International House of Pancakes (IHOP) by midnight on Friday, April 4.
“I just can’t...
The Great Scots Bring Back Coldplay
Earlier this week, an underground arts group called the Great Scots met in the basement of Watkins to hold a “concert” before the building is destroyed. This term comes from gatherings that were very...
Track and field stadium contains a time vortex, according to UCR department of physics
A mystery has arisen at the new UCR track and field stadium. The construction of the track has caused a mysterious vortex to develop, sending runners back in time 5 to 7 minutes when...