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Thursday, December 1, 2022

Schrooty attacks!

The student inside the Scotty costume, Wright Schroot, has been placed under psychiatric evaluation after brutally attacking spectators during UC Riverside’s baseball match against UC Santa Cruz (UCSC) on Friday, March 31. While Schroot...

“Freaky Friday” hits White House and Vatican with global implications

In a shocking series of events, the international phenomenon deemed by experts as “Freaky Friday” has hit the White House and the Vatican in tandem, switching up roles that carry global reverberations. It was announced...

Write-Off: Be pro-grizzly for a better UCR

An ancient proverb from the country of Snoglandia features the grizzly bear as the omnipotent symbol of wisdom. The beautiful, furry creature is probably the most underrated and underappreciated creature in American society. Since...

Are movie sequels and adaptations good for culture?

I was going to take this article as an opportunity to review “Ghost in the Shell” ― the live adaptation of Mamoru Oshii’s cartoon of the same name. But instead I want to address...

Dave Chappelle and Lena Dunham body swap

In other breaking Arts and Entertainment news, acclaimed comedian Dave Chappelle and “Girls” creator Lena Dunham had their bodies swapped as well. This news is one of many instances where individuals are reported to...

The Governator as chancellor will bring UCR back to prominence

On Friday, March 31, much of the media’s attention was centered on the revelation that a strange body-swapping effect had stricken the world, most notably in the case of President Donald Trump taking over...

Top seven most WOKE characters in the history of movies

What does it mean to be “woke?” Being woke involves a number of things. Firstly, to be woke, one has to acknowledge what is wrong with the world, no matter what people say. Face...

Childish Gambino cancels Spring Splash appearance, replaced by Billy Ray Cyrus

“Childish Gambino is going to perform at UCR again!” they said. “It’s gonna get lit!” they said. “Oh shit he cancelled?” they wailed. Yes, after the failed stint that was HEAT 2014 which saw...

Write-Off: Keep Scotty — ditch the grizzly menace

As the “Freaky Friday” phenomenon hit the UC Riverside community over the weekend, it came with it the swapping of our beloved Scotty the Bear mascot with that of a grizzly bear. While the...

UCR geneticists isolate fuccboi gene

UCR genetics professors Ken Wasabi and Kevin Sanchez have discovered Gene-69 AYE, better known as the “fuccboi gene,” on March 25. According to their research, this gene is responsible for an increase in passive-aggressivity,...