Hometown hero: Scotty the Bear Jr. commits to UCR basketball
After months of grueling anticipation, the country’s No. 1 basketball recruit has officially made his decision. Last Thursday afternoon, 8’4” center Scotty the Bear Jr. announced his intent to join the reigning national champion...
Dropping students faster than waitlisted classes
Have you ever jolted yourself awake in the dead of night and muttered, “What if I don’t pass the final?” Or have you ever got the sweats with the thought of the senior thesis?...
UC Riverside becomes completely privatized
This past spring break at an impromptu meeting, administrators of the University of California, Riverside were informed that winter 2014 would be its last quarter with public funding. In a detailed manifesto, titled “My...
Meth lab discovered in Pierce Hall
Last week, a methamphetamine lab was discovered on the second floor of Pierce Hall. The lab was brought to public eye after an explosion that blasted the roof off of the building occurred on...
Students who skip class deserve to be called deserters
As the school year nears its end, UCR administrators have noticed a considerable decline in student attendance and focus. Students are simply not as motivated to go to class once summer daydreams caress sleepy...
Goodbye R’Gear, hello puppies
Critics of ASUCR’s decision to spend nearly $35,000 on R’Gear sweaters were left perplexed this week as ASUCR announced its decision to instead use these funds to buy puppies. In a plan catchily named...
Three simple ways to academic excellence
The key to getting wonderful grades isn’t as mysterious as people think. People study for hours on end trying to absorb an exorbitant amount of knowledge into their brains and it usually never goes...
UCR men’s baseball coach Troy Percival: “I’m back.”
UC Riverside’s baseball Head Coach Troy Percival held an emergency press conference on Sunday, April 1 to make an announcement that he said would change lives. When Percival stepped up to the mic he...
Horoscopes
Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)
You’re going to decide to not go to school one day this week. You will take your friend’s dad’s prized 1962 Ferrari GT California and get your significant other...
Local billionaire announces plans to drain UCR, create libertarian utopia
Last Friday, billionaire and UCR alumnus Andrew Ryan announced plans to drain the campus and create a libertarian utopia, where state funding would be culled and UCR could exist as a “free market bubble...